Searching for grace.

Well, that's just it. I am constantly searching for grace. When I rededicated my life to Christ in the summer of 2009, I was sure that the Lord really would create in me a new heart. Previously, I came to the Lord when I was twelve in 1996. Although I know He was always with me, it was different. Sometimes I didn't even think about Jesus. So thirteen years later, when I bought a new bible and started listening to Christian music, everything changed.

Now, over six years later, I feel like my heart is just as filthy as it always has been. The only thing different? I'm well aware of it being dirty. Every day I make mistakes that I wish I didn't do. My temper gets the best of me, my negative thoughts hurt me, my mouth runs when it shouldn't, and I am tired of all of it. I pray through out the day most of the time. I tend to tell the Lord what's on my heart and mind (as if He didn't know), and I almost always ask for Him to change my heart. Lately though, I've wondered if it is even His will? Maybe I'm impatient, but you would think six years of prayers would mean something.

I struggle with many things. This is merely just one of them. I write what's on my heart, and I welcome any encouragement or suggestions. (If anyone actually even reads.)