Having a hard time.

Disclaimer: I wrote this the other night after a very hard, full day of depression. I went over all of the what-ifs and the I-wish scenarios. But, as I mentioned, this is my heart and I write what is on my heart. I don't know it all and sometimes I feel like I am very childish in my faith. I apologize if anyone who is reading this is offended.


I'm really struggling with my faith right now. I can't help but realize that it was God who gave my dad the cancer. He could have never let it happen. He knew how it would effect me, as well. He knew I would have PTSD resulting from this, on top of everything else that was going on. All of this could have been stopped if God would have kept my dad from the cancer. I am angry with God. I am hurt. And I hold the resentment, no matter how much I try to talk to God and ask Him to get me through this.

This is just where I am right now.